I met another lost soul and we clicked. She told me she was moving to a military base and said it was a great place to live. I was not happy in the small town I was living and my choice of university. I went with her on a visit and decided to move with her there. Although I was now average size, I still felt like I was a fat girl. I had trouble handling any male attention and pushed the men away. My friend got a job as an exotic dancer and I was looking for work, but there were hardly any jobs except working in a strip joint. The money was good and easy to come by, as well. So, I got a job where she worked.
I remember the first time I went on the stage. I had danced in my living room and I knew how to shake my booty, but this was something entirely different. I slowly went on the stage and felt all these masculine eyes on me. And then I heard the music. One thing that can get me going is some damn good rock music and they were playing something I can handle. I closed my eyes and danced, but was mindful that my body must look awful. When I left the stage some of the men were trying to talk to me, but I shunned them. I did what I was paid to do.
I decided not to go topless as I had issues with being busty. To me, my breasts were horrible like the rest of my body. Even though I lost a lot of weight I still had issues with my looks. I saw myself as ugly and no matter how much weight I lost, I was still the fat girl out in my mind. I overcame my shyness and danced in several other strip joints. Eventually, I joined a dance troupe who traveled around the state giving shows and did some bachelor parties. Yet, I was never fully comfortable in my own skin. On the outside I was this confident stripper, but on the inside I was the ugly fat girl.
I gave up stripping and decided to go back to school and enrolled in the local community college. And eventually I moved to another state. I still kept the weight off, but not in a healthy way. One thing I did take up was jogging and got up every morning to jog 3 miles, but the weight never came off. I got toned up, but still saw myself as fat. I look back on the pictures now and cannot believe I thought I was fat. I was average size - about a size 10/12! I was not skinny like some of the other women, but I have a very small waist, large breasts and hips. And I was able to find clothes that were not in the "plus size" range.
I got involved in a bad relationship and thought, 'What is the point?' And stopped jogging and ate whatever I wanted. All discipline went out the window and the weight piled back on. After keeping it off for 5 years I was not only back to where I started, but gained another 70 pounds on top of my original weight. I stopped concentrating on my weight and decided to return to university full time and get the degree I always wanted.
I went through another university as a mature student although I was only in my mid-20's. I did not worry about my weight although I was aware of it. I did not care about getting into another relationship, but wanted to ensure I got my education. And I made friends. I also traveled to other countries with a fellow student. I met a man from Sweden and he would fly me back and forth to visit. He also had issues with his weight and like me, went up and down the scale. But, I will never forget the day he told me I need to lose 50 pounds and bragged how beautiful and slim his ex-girlfriend was. Never mind the fact she cheated on him and put him into massive debt. And totally screwed him over. All that mattered to him was that she is slim. I was so incensed that I grabbed his belly, which jiggled, and said when he shows me how easy it is to lose weight I will follow suit. We broke up after that.
I finished university and met another man from Scandinavia and moved to Norway to be with him. We did not have a car and I biked everywhere. I still did not lose weight. I joined a program called Grete Roede that was old fashioned calorie counting. I did not lose weight and they had to keep reducing my calorie intake. I found that if I went over 1350 calories I gained weight even though I worked 3 jobs and biked everywhere. I felt better, but was still having trouble with my weight. My ex never cared about my weight, though. I was fat when he met me.
We moved to the UK and I embarked on losing weight and getting fit. I joined a gym and got a personal trainer. I also started Tai Chi and did water aerobics as well as working with the trainer. I got fitter and started to lose some weight, but not enough. While the scales said I lost a little bit of weight, my clothes showed I dropped two dress sizes. And I felt good. Until one day I was walking with a friend and some men yelled out, 'FATSO!' from a car. I was humiliated. It did not matter I worked out on a daily basis and probably did more exercise than they did and did not even own a car, but biked everywhere. I was still the fat girl out.
I moved again to another part of the UK and started working. I hid under over sized jumpers and dressed in typical, unstylish fat clothes. I decided to do something about it. I continued working out at the gym and hired another personal trainer. Although I was still a size 20, I knew my stuff. Eventually, I was asked by the people who worked there to help them out with some newbies and show them how to work the equipment. And I garnered a lot of respect. I was the fat girl who worked out 6 hours a week.
I joined Slimming World and slowly lost more weight. I also began training in Wing Chun Kung Fu. I found it hard as I followed the plan, but lost weight slower than the others in my group. I was told it was most likely due to my thyroid disease and others who had the same problem had to work harder and longer to lose the weight. After two years and now down to a size 16, I stopped Slimming World. I wanted to get rid of the rest of the weight and did the Cambridge Diet. The weight dropped off of me and within months I was feeling better. I kept my martial arts training up in earnest even when my relationship broke up
End of part 2
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